The Fellrockers marks noted actor Adam Driver's first attempt at not only screenwriting, but also directing a feature film. Described by Driver in multiple press interviews as "Marxist Oppenheimer," the slow-burn drama follows two members of the aristocratic Fellrocker family as they drift apart as a result of disagreements over the nature of capitalism.
While at times resembling a poignant ode to the working class, Driver's self-indulgence often causes the film to lose focus of its main message, resulting in an end product that is about as coherent as a Pollock painting. This is most apparent in the overbearing romantic subplot between David Fellrocker (played by Driver) and his love interest, with over a third of the runtime dedicated to the couple's sexual inclinations -- one particularly egregious love scene involves the two engaged in "the taxpayer," a moment which must have seemed genius to Driver when writing the script but is nothing but awkward for the viewing audience.
Another example of the film's disjointed nature comes when, following the death of a major character, David looks into the camera and says "Now that's what I call blood money!" a line that feels plucked straight out of a cheesy 80s action film and has no place in a film as serious as Driver wants us to believe his debut is.
In summary, while The Fellrockers shows capable directing chops from the actor, Adam Driver would do good to attend a few more writing workshops, or at least be more open to criticism when it comes to his screenwriting endeavors.
Pliz Help (Given the film's Weimar setting, I can only assume Pliz is a misspelling of the German word for mushroom, Pilz) is a bold foray by Adam Driver into the world of screenplay. It is clear that he has truly embraced the genre of the art film, but having only one character does work better if one does not kill them off only a little over halfway through the film's gargantuan five hour runtime. Driver's script starts off strong, with imagery that calls into question what a mushroom cloud may have meant to someone living before the invention of nuclear weaponry and also begins to explore themes of inner spirituality, but proceeds to throw the small, personal narrative world it has created away with the appearance of the mushroom god and her angels, upset at what will soon be done with her image. Ultimately, the ending manages to leave the viewer unsatisfied but with nothing to think about. I give Pliz Help two stars.
Adam Driver with the recent success of his A Marriage Story has gained enough confidence to write, direct and star in his own film which at best may be called only mildly pretentious. An obvious Oscar bait, his movie attempts to dive into the murky world of genetic ethics and the lengths people would go to win college football. Looking almost 20 years older than an average college athlete, Driver's performance as a star athlete with winning genetic combination is not convincing as he huffs and puffs his way through the screen.
Unblind Side, an obvious spin on Blind Side that it could have passed off as a parody, is about a greedy college coach who is trying to regain his pride after a series of losses 18 years ago. Instead of being a serious critique, the scenes are so nonsensical that it could have passed as a comedy easily but it takes itself too seriously to be anything.
The ending of Driver’s movie is shocking only in that we were never convinced there were any real stakes involved. The revelation that he is a designer baby only provokes a monologue about losing one’s identity. However, he manages to leave his planned life almost immediately and set off on deciding what his destiny is for himself. His suicide is a shocker since he gets to do what he wants (a very rich and successful Digeridoo player. Yes, this movie attempts to convince us that it is a successful venture for anyone) and then decides to jump off his expensive Manhattan high rise because he dreamt about his birth. This movie wants to teach you something about the morality of designer babies but the only lesson learnt here is to not inflate yourself with too much self-importance. Or you will end up making a movie that can only laughed at, not laughed with.
Many auteur film projects could be described as masturbatory by the ungenerous critic, but writer/director/star Adam Driver's latest "Forget It, Adam: It's Hollywood" is one of the few that could best be described as figurative autoerotic asphyxiation.
Hardboiled LA detective Adam Shotgun (Driver) is called out of retirement to investigate the suspicious on-set death of Hollywood actor Adam Driver (also Driver.) His client is the mysterious femme fatale and alleged jilted ex-lover of the victim, Eve Passenger (Driver in a wig.) Shotgun's questioning of witnesses and digging through Ridley Scott's garbage is interrupted perhaps one too many times by traumatic flashbacks of the accidental death of Shotgun's infant son Le Self (Driver, not digitally de-aged at all, wearing a bonnet and diaper.)
What should be a dramatic confrontation with prime murder suspect Ridley Scott (Owen Teale) is somewhat deflated when Shotgun breaks into a non-sequitur series of petty accusations of alleged indignities suffered by the real Adam Driver at the hands of the real Scott on the set of The Last Duel (2021.) A critic who says that a film feels voyeuristic is usually praising it, but it is painfully clear that this film is for one person and one person only, and not in a good way. Not even the bloody and admittedly well-choreographed brawl with a pair of prop swords could let me shake the feeling that by remaining in my seat I was complicit in something deeply unsavory and perhaps borderline illegal. In a subsequent confrontation, when Scott killed and cannibalized Shotgun in a Subway restaurant that was central to one of the aforementioned petty grievances, my feeling of relief that this debacle was nearly over soon turned to dread upon realizing that we were only around the 45-minute mark.
Sure enough, the film rambles on for another 90 minutes, which I only inferred from checking my phone afterward, as the final two acts of the film are an incoherent nightmare that made time seem to lose all meaning. Included in this muddle are a surprisingly derogatory and hard-hitting eulogy for Adam Driver delivered by his mother (Driver in a different wig) and a bizarre but convincing PowerPoint presentation implicating a teenaged Adam Driver as an instrumental accomplice in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme.
I come out of the ordeal (and ordeal it was) with a mix of feelings, none of them to the credit of the film or its maker. I can only hope that Driver receives the caring professional help he needs for his issues with anger management, interpersonal skills, survivor's guilt, and possible lack of a stable sense of self. I certainly do not wish to stigmatize the act of coming forward about any of these, and yet I might dare to gently advise those of you suffering in silence to come forward in a slightly different way.
The experience of Uptown Cathedral is one of a baffling nature. It is only reasonable that the writer of such a screenplay must have been riddled with fever during the creation of such a work. It was advertised as a supposed delve into the lives of criminals in 17th century Basildon, a story full of drama, heartbreak and tragedy. Yet what was experienced was a three hour trip through a plotline that seemed to change with the weather. Take for instance during the first act, usually this would be time to introduce the characters and the setting, allowing the audience to settle into the movie. What Driver chose to do was sit every character in complete silence for forty minutes. One of the characters is even killed off during this part and we never even learnt his name.
Other scenes seemed like they were in a completely different setting. One young boy, an orphan raised on the streets of Basildon, burst into song. It did not even make sense within the context of the scene. He was caught stealing a dog in the second act (a plot line which never returned after this incident) and as he was running down the street he began singing. After this, there is no music for the rest of the movie, a choice which only led to a deeply unsettling atmosphere in the audience as to compensate sound effects were more readily used.
Perhaps this is a lesson from Mr. Driver, However. That the lives of everyday people, the lives of innocent men, are much more complex than what we see on the surface. Perhaps by revealing this deeper side of the story of criminal life in 17th century Basildon, Driver has also revealed a part of himself.
Set in the imaginatively futuristic world of SPACE, Love Bandits attempts to be another saphic film written by someone who has had little interaction with actual lesbians. Most of the effort of the film appears to be put into the admittedly excellently crafted blend of miniatures and CGI.
When our protagonist Speef encounters her ex-girlfriend Skroob, they dedicate a significant amount of their lives to fighting against one of the many corporations that are killing so many planets in the currently fictional Saphrios galaxy. Their relationship, up until the ending scene, is stunning to see that characters this gay can be seen in hollywood, and would be a breath of fresh air, were it not for that ending scene.
The imaginative worlds do little, however, from distracting from the bisare character design choices. The two notable examples are the wizard character and the main antagonist. Merlin appears to be dressed like a wizard from a low-budget classical fantasy world rather than a character who looks like they belong in the world, and whose characterisation appears to be split between “i am an example of transgender representation in a world that doesn’t care about what gender you are” and “i am a wizard man who is written so that the writer, Adam Driver, can act in the film in a way that is comfortable for me, Adam Driver, to play”. The antagonist, equally, doesn’t seem like they belong in a mostly human/robot society, considering they are a CGI weasel.
The chase scene set in the Highway of the main planet appears to be inspired by the works of Michael Bay, what with the exploding mopeds left and right, which is almost bizarrely the scene where Speef professes her love for Skroob. If it were in another film, it would be basically a perfect confession scene, but set in an action scene with very little downtime, it feels like it could have been put somewhere else.
But the biggest scene is the ending, which is without a doubt the worst scene I’ve seen with regards to LGBTQ representation. The actions that took place seem written less out of a desire to end this way and more like it was written to spite people that had suggested changes.
It’s got a little something for everyone, though, and if one ignores the story, it’s an enjoyable hour and a half. I rate this 7 out of 10.
[OOC: played this with some friends. We created a number of different reviews for 3 different films that somehow became a trilogy ala the Cornetto Trilogy. This game is so fun. Thank you]
It is safe to assume that the basic writing advice, “write what you know”, can be somewhat limiting—after all, if we were to do so, then how could Tolkien have written about Orcs and Elves, Agatha Christie written about a Belgian detective, or Stephen King written about someone other than a tortured horror author? But there are, in fact, scenarios where you really ought not write something you are unfamiliar with at all. Adam Driver’s 14th screenplay written during the COVID lockdown, “Murder in the Underground”, is one such scenario.
A sapphic eco-terrorist group has taken on the cause of attacking a Japanese whaling vessel and they are prepared to leave at dawn to intercept the boat, when the murder of their fearless leader brings the would-be sailors’ plans to a grinding halt. Tensions rise as the lack of an intruder in their underground bunker points the finger at someone inside the building as the killer. Sadly, however, this is all the further Mr. Driver seems to have actually planned. The original murder is quickly forgotten in favor of scenes of women just being catty to each other, and the overt exclusion of any male figures in the film itself seems to be less a desire to tell stories from a woman's point of view as it is a cynical effort to pass the Bechdel Test.
One place that a man’s presence is certainly felt, however, is in the writer/director’s chair. The speed at which this diverse group of women breaks down into petty catfighting and cliques betrays the writing of an outsider to leftist activism, intersectional feminism and women’s lives in general, but who feels compelled to say something on those topics anyway...with that 'something' ultimately adding up to not a whole lot. The sloppy attempt at executing a plot twist to tie events up feels more like Mr. Driver realized there were only five minutes left on the film reel, and he was certainly unwilling to sacrifice any of the grindhouse-like ancillary murder that was executed halfway through the film, seemingly just to remind us what the original problem was supposed to be in the first place.
I cannot recommend “Murder in the Underground” to anyone who does not suffer from COVID brainfog because they will unfortunately be able to remember what happened three scenes ago, and will spend the next two scenes asking ‘But what about the murder? You know, the one in the title?’
This is a *fantastic* review. Almost all of these make me wish the movies in question were real but this is one of the few that makes me believe it might be. Thanks!
Adam Driver, the Hollywood actor, pulls off what many considered to be the impossible. No one else has the guts to go in such a bold direction. When the world asked "Who will make a musical about the absence of God?" The actor, Adam Driver stood up and said "I will." Given the pleasure of reading an early version of the script, I could see the potential right from the initial pitch. I'm also proud to see he took my advice in the casting of Nic Cage as Queen Elizabeth. A role I felt Nic had the capability to pull off, and just needed a slight nudge in the right direction and such a chance to truly spread his wings. Adam Driver also seemed to take off running with my idea to show her majesty's full bush. Which from what I understand, took extensive time to apply on Mr.Cage. Although the film shines in many ways there were, however, a few poor choices that seem to have fallen through the cracks. Such as the decision to keep the gay sex scene that features two priests in clown makeup as the Notre Dame burns down around them. Although a true spectacle filmed with cinematography that would make even the great Storaro weep, it may have been lacking in taste; Which I warned Adam of from the first draft. Don't let any of that deter you though! I won't give any spoilers but the climax more than makes up for any of the previously mentioned issues. With a touching story, terrific soundtrack, award worthy performances, and delightful direction (from Hollywood actor, Adam Driver) I highly recommend you go see 'Flight of The Monarch Butterfly' with the whole family.
Adam Driver's most recent film, despite being pitched as a meditation on Marxism through extremely violent martial arts, has no conceivable plot.
If you want to watch this movie, you only need to watch the first 25 minutes. The pertinent information is front-loaded and crammed into a few short scenes. We meet 100 farmers growing wheat for the Baron. The Baron quickly demands more wheat, begins to fight the workers with ninja stars, brings down mecca-space-ninjas, and sets his satellite lasers to destroy the farmers, who then begin in-fighting. Driver cites the "100-person rule," a sociological finding that states there are no hundred people who can agree on any one thing, for this shift.
The film's latter hour is a gruesome display of the farmers (real-life trained martial artists) being slaughtered by a giant horse. The fact that a mutated, pustule-covered horse is the most recognizable character is telling of the impact this film will have.
This experience has left me with only questions: Why are the characters indigenous but played entirely by a white cast? Why did real actors have to be killed during filming? How did they mutate a horse so precisely? Who allowed this, and why?
I will say, despite obvious flaws, Driver has made some bold artistic choices. Probably not morally correct choices, but choices nonetheless.
You Are Quarantined With Adam Driver And He Is Insisting On Reading You His New Script is a short, extremely well-written, comedy concept rpg.
It's 7 pages, with a clean, readable layout that leans in on the film script angle and feels like a document from the game's setting.
That setting, by the way, is your apartment. Where you are quarantined with Adam Driver, and he is insisting on reading you his new script.
To play, you randomize a hypothetical film script's topics, then try to loosely play it out. Whenever your acting or storytelling feels forced, you roll a d20 and risk the stability of your quarantine with Adam Driver.
After you've finished, you have a final phase of the game where you write a short review of the movie Adam Driver has ultimately created.
Spelled out like that, You Are Quarantined might sound a little flat, but that's because I am severely underselling how good the writing is. It is extremely worth the price of admission.
The game is also somewhat mutable, and if you don't have any particular connection to actor Adam Driver, you can swap in most other actors instead without changing the nature of the game.
Overall, if you are looking for a short game with a clever concept that'll give you a memorable experience, you should get this.
It was not long ago that I first read the script for this film. In that introductory moment, I was shocked. Beloved actor Adam Driver was pouring his heart and soul out on my couch about this silent movie he wanted to make. I could do nothing but think about how strangely promising the idea was, flawed as it may seem. After all, how could one convey spirituality in a pre-nuclear world without words?
I'm happy to say that the final version of this film left me as speechless as its characters. I was moved by not just the gorgeous soundtrack, but by the excellent direction. I was skeptical of Driver's choice to direct and star in the film after having written it himself, but truly there was no way that anyone other than Adam could have brought his vision to life in such glorious detail.
The pre-nuclearity of the film was perhaps its most poignant aspect, and, when coupled with the autobiographical spin on the second world war, Driver really drove (no pun intended) his point home. Perhaps, through just a bit of spirituality, the Cold War and all of its ills could have been avoided. The Adam Bomb was truly astonishing, and I recommend that everyone take the four hours out of their weekend to watch this masterpiece.
Eden. Is Adam Driver’s latest ‘magnum opus’ and I had the pleasure of joining him in his creative process. He pitched it to me as an art piece about the absence of God and he himself thought of a more Avant Garde way of delivering this.
Even though there isn’t supposed to be a protagonist, we are introduced to (Not) Adam Driver who is a common citizen living in the bright and colourful city named Eden and opens with the denizens of said city going about their day. There is an odd shoehorning of the director’s ‘personal interests’ that becomes more and more evident as the film goes on. Eden has a strange curfew in which the people are told to take off their footwear by a loud alarm; it should be said now that the film has no dialogue and is filled to the brim with metaphors. The absence of footwear is to symbolise the strength of being able to stand on your own two feet. The film then follows a series of twists and turns that eventually leads to the introduction of an unnamed female character who is only revealed to be named Eve during the credits, an artistic choice of Adam Driver. This woman is an actress who is eventually introduced to (Not) Adam Driver and the two eventually become well acquainted. I will leave the details of the rest of the film out of this critique as Adam has stated that it’s important for the audience to make their own interpretation of the film.
Now, how much did I enjoy this piece? With a big glass of the strong stuff, the film is extremely pretentious and could do with some more clarity. Personally, I don’t go to films to train my brain about the intricacies of every little thing. The film having no dialogue definitely didn’t help either and the purpose of its delivery quickly falls apart once an obvious protagonist is introduced. Would I watch this again? I feel like I have no choice, one pass over isn’t enough to understand Adam’s thought process, but I do so with reluctance.
Had a dream last night where I was recommending tabletop rpgs to Adam Driver and somehow didn't mention this one. To make up for this injustice, I've given this very good game a 5-star rating.
This film has an wonderful premise and lightness of tone that reminds one of Little Miss Sunshine. Harrison Ford plays an aging Olympian whose medal was melted down for the war effort. After his daughter, played by Brie Larson, wins a silver in shooting, he decides to get his medal recast. Adam Driver plays a bit of a layabout schlub to make it clear the Olympic drive skipped a generation. We have some incredible performances from everyone involved. Harrison Ford’s usual standoffishness was rather charming and refreshed what at times was a poorly paced film. Brie Larsen is believable as an Olympian, but not perhaps as Adam Driver’s daughter as presented. It’s clear the director is building a triumvirate with Driver as the odd man out, but it’s a movie that tells and doesn’t show. When we get scenes packed with interesting ephemera of the lives of the family, it’s a breath of fresh air that reinvigorates what at times drags. Scene to scene we are put into more and more incredible positions, but the framework to hold it is rather bare. The time we focus on Driver’s character feels misspent, it’s clear that Larsen and Ford are the interesting characters. They have a relationship with the camera that Driver somehow fails to establish himself. Perhaps it’s a result of being a triple threat. Driver wrote, directed, and stars. Perhaps he should have sent the script to a trustworthy editor and given it the additional time it needs with a fresh pair of eyes. With the script out of his hands and out of his head, I imagine that Driver’s natural charisma and incredible technique could have shown through more clearly. It’s a film that shoots for the gold, but barely makes bronze. And I don’t see it making it to the next Olympics.
Driven is an interesting concept movie, at least on paper. Adam Driver stars as himself, and the story clearly intends to be an unflinching look at how the film industry grinds up its brightest stars. What could be a somber autobiopic, however, is given a "This is the End" treatment when an obsessive fan, Olivia--clearly a gender-swapped John Oliver--replaces Driver's chauffeur, kidnaps him, and leads half of Hollywood on a wild car chase through the streets.
The film is, mostly, a resounding "okay." Alas, Driver's attempts to write a cracking action film with snappy dialogue veers too often into broad, unfunny punchlines: a director who utterly delights in his predicament and scrambles to replace him with Ben Affleck; a running gag involving a rogue craft services bus; and a bizarre mob plot that forces the now-heroic Driver to team up with his erstwhile kidnapper to save the day. All of this culminates in a literal and figurative 50-car pileup of plots that left me more confused than satisfied.
Driver would have been better off picking a lane: angsty biopic or action joyride. Instead he tries to have it both ways, and drives a carload of potential straight off a cliff.
This movie could well be a cult classic, but will be unlikely to achieve mainstream success. The opening scenes where the blue collar and white collar criminals team up to rob a bank are slow and confused, and characters are not adequately developed, nor is a clear theme established. However, the action really picks up when the first gunfight occurs. The fighting is very well choreographed, and we have a real thriller on our hands at this point. The proceeding twist for the criminal characters to relocate to Iceland is rather novel, but the pace once again slows down as they adapt to Icelandic life, and the commentary about Iceland’s “strangeness” may not resonate with international viewers. Once we are introduced to the mid-movie antagonists, we start to see the movie really become the gem that it is. Characters really come into their own, and we have a series of events that really get you invested. The costuming in these scenes are also astounding, and will be the inspiration of cosplayers for years to come. The impact of the mid-movie conflict is somewhat cheapened by the deaths of several minor characters and the swiftness with which these antagonists are defeated, but the action is once again good and pleasing to watch. When the government-cyborg robocop comes in, many viewers are left shaking their heads in confusion, and the plot loses itself in a haze of (admittedly beautiful) gunfire. This does lead to some very quotable moments though, and oddly enough sets the movie up for a satisfying conclusion that actually does arrive at the point it was trying to make, if in a roundabout way.
DISCLAIMER: During the COVID-19 pandemic, I found myself quarantined with the director of this film, Adam Driver, for several weeks. However, I think you will find that this is little conflict of interest, given my opinions. It will be impossible to talk about some of the aspects of this film I found particularly troublesome without delving into spoilers, so the short of it is this: Terrible film that you should skip for the sake of your short time on Earth and your sanity.
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Ceres, former actor Adam Driver's debut into writing and directing, is a confusing, drawn-out, boring mess of a film that clearly has something it wants to say but an absolutely horrific way of saying it. I am convinced that the script of this film would not have left the slush pile if not for the name of Adam Driver. It is filled with the hallmarks of amateur writing--an utterly unlikable protagonist, themes with the subtlety of an atom bomb and the clarity of jello, and an hour-long dream sequence.
And past all that is the elephant in the room--an absolute abandonment of any attempt at historical accuracy whatsoever. Now, I am not generally a big stickler for getting every detail right (particularly since this film does have fantasy elements--more on that later), but I do at least generally expect an attempt to be made to get the time period right. But the setting of a settlement on the edge of the Roman Empire (attacked and taken over by vague "barbarians" about twenty minutes into the film--something quite troubling to see in a film that has released in 202X, even in the context of the Roman perspective) is completely unbelievable. It is clearly trying to shove in a metaphor for the modern charity industry and its contrast to proper welfare, but it just doesn't fit in the ancient setting. It's such a poor fit that it has to come down to essentially portraying the Roman Empire as a Marxist state--a bizarre choice which I can't even begin to unpack. It's clear no research was done at all.
Of course, I can't discuss this film without addressing the full hour-long dream sequence in which our protagonist, Julius(played by Adam Driver), is forced to reckon with the titular Ceres (Daisy Ridley), Roman goddess of agriculture, who spends the time haunting him and lecturing him about the moral importance of helping the poor. Not that he doesn't deserve the lecture--despite being a soldier who is tasked with giving Roman citizens the crops they need to survive, Julius has all the care for the "weak and undeserving" (quote) of a French royal just before the Revolution. It's clear a redemption arc was attempted, but he legitimately neither does nor says anything remotely redeeming the entire first two hours of the film before he is visited by the goddess. I thought perhaps their previous work on the Star Wars films would provide even a hint of chemistry between Driver and Ridley, but this was quickly dashed by the hour-long lecture and the clear look of distress on Ridley's face the entire time, as if she didn't want to be there.
This is followed by Julius praying for salvation, fully Christian style in a blatant misrepresentation of Hellenistic beliefs, and being answered by Jupiter (Sean Bean), who strikes down all the barbarians with lighting. This is meant to be his redemption--enough of a redemption that he deserves to then become the settlement's new ruler. That's actually how the film ends. It's an absolutely surreal mess and a waste of three hours, as well as perhaps being the most boring piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. I urge you to skip this.
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FINAL SCORE: 2/10--AWFUL
+Surprisingly good cinematography -Literally everything else makes me want to be struck down by Jupiter
If my editor would allow it, “Straight Shooter” would be the first film I give a 6 star rating, it seems 5 stars must suffice. Prior entanglements with Adam aside, he has created a transgressive piece of neo-NEO-noir that makes me once more, believe in a guiding light in our universe. Ladies and Gentleman, that guiding light is the expertly realized character of Gail McEnroe.
Gail McEnroe (Imelda Staunton) is the titular “straight shooter” a one time suffragette turned private investigator who has given up on her faith; masterfully hinted at by the deft script as a result of the encroaching sexism of her trade. She is a revelation, a character whom is at once as cynical, downtrodden, and pent-up as we all are right now.* This is changed when Pauline Kadaeskeu (Florence Pugh) comes with the case of a lifetime, to find out how her father (Adam Driver) has returned from the Great War after being killed in action.
Do not get me wrong, I myself read this description and into my mind flitted tired thrillers, and psychological horrors of yesteryear, most often coming up short of their low expectations. This film proves the rule. By the end of the film you will believe in the impossible, you will hold those quarantined* alongside you close, and together will become whole. A transformative piece of work like this only comes once in not just a generation, but once in an epoch. See this film, because to watch “Straight Shooter” is to glimpse the face of god himself.
*editors note: Publication was written during the Quarantine epidemic of 2020.
Adam Driver's unofficial addition to the Aliens franchise starts off with an aggressively sexual expository scene and a gratuitous death that fails to set up the appropriate expectations for the audience. He retreads familiar Aliens story lines with small twists that are ultimately forgettable. The characters are generic and lack any personality. There are no emotional stakes. It feels passionless and paint by the numbers. It beats the audience over the head with the corruption of corporations and doesn't seem to have a clear feeling about the morality of the blue collar protagonists. It is ultimately boring with a twist at the end seeming to try to shoehorn in diversity at the very end. A muddled, mess that rests on the films that came before it and flashy effects. During the screening, Mr. Driver attempted to direct the audience into giving the reactions he deemed appropriate.
I struggled to help Adam to see that Legend of the Driven, an extremely violent martial arts film may not have been the best way for him to showcase his true feelings regarding the devastating effects of the film industry on Adam Driver. Nevertheless, we reached a compromise: the violence was one of the soul and the martial arts where those of Adam Driver's struggle against an unforgiving industry. The results were...
Well, it was certainly a movie. I know he was hoping for an Independent Spirit Award, but at least he'll get MTV's Best Kiss. The scene where a film executive punched out his heart and Adam kissed it while sobbing will go down in cinematic history.
I can't say I'll miss having Adam as my roommate, but I'll cherish the brief time we had together.
…this reviewer did not have high hopes for Adam Driver's big-screen biopic of the 19th century Dutch missionary, Bööls Jorgaan. There's no doubting Drivers' passion for his historical subject; after all, he shocked the nation by revealing that he'd gone back to school with his Star Wars money to pursue a graduate degree in the study of this man's life.
However, such passion did not extend to the quality of the screenplay first-time screenwriter Driver has provided. The film is, yes, intensely beautiful. Shot on location in Indonesia, the cinematography, production design, and costume design is top-notch. But the characters that live within this world are as wooden as a pair of kloppen.
Despite writer/director/star Adam Driver's charisma and unconventional good looks, Bööls Jorgaan himself is a difficult character to empathize with or even care about. In the year of our Lord 202X, one expects the story of a white missionary visiting Indonesia to be nuanced. Despite the lavish amount of historical research (especially into the lives of the indigenous characters) and willingness to embrace history in all its filthiness, the story at the heart of this film remains hopelessly dated and, by modern standards, uninteresting.
The supporting cast is excellent, but the secondary male lead, whose incandescent chemistry with Driver threatens to make the film interesting, is disposed of as soon as a love triangle is introduced, seemingly to try and make Bööls Jorgaan seem cool and hot. It is a failed attempt.
While I hope to see more from the wickedly talented Driver, I would recommend that my audience give The Ballad of Bööls Jorgaan a pass.
18 months ago I had the dis/pleasure of reading the earliest draft of Different But Also Not Different, Adam Driver's directorial debut, but nothing could have prepared me to see it brought to life on the big screen.
Spoilers ahead.
In one of the most agonising viewing experiences of my humble existence, I forced myself to watch as grieving father William Miller (Driver) traveled by taxi across a surrealist California to collect his freshly genetically reborn son Jake (also Driver) in the hopes of repairing his failing marriage to Monica (also Driver).
It's time to address the Adam Driver-sized elephant in the room: from its inception, Driver insisted on portraying every character in the film - except for William's curmudgeonly father William Sr., inexplicably played by Star Wars' Ian McDiarmid.
To say it makes for a surreal experience would be an understatement, and while successful reviews typically tend to avoid plot synopses, there's really no other way to talk about Driver's unique debut. I've included a spoiler warning for ardent fans of Driver's work, but I implore you to avoid this film like the plague that inspired Driver to write this film, should it ever curse paying audiences with wide release.
Different But Also Not Different quickly establishes its confused themes with a voice over flashback to William's son playing with his favourite animal, the humble pigeon, as a workaholic William reflects that he never took the time to appreciate that each one is unique, despite their similar ratty appearances. Pigeons as metaphor are a recurring motif throughout, and while it might seem odd, it's easily the least absurd part of the film.
Less than five minutes in, we are introduced to the film's most persistent and horrifying bad decision: William's taxi driver (again, also Driver), whose face is concealed until what I assume is supposed to be a twist reveal at the end of the film, though it's clear who's playing him and exactly what he'll look like when he turns around from silhouette alone. And in a sane world, that would be true. But no. For some reason, the taxi driver is Adam Driver in brownface, doing what I can only assume is supposed to be some sort of an accent that honestly hurts to listen to. I don't know where to begin. I am in no way equipped to discuss the many, many levels on which this is not okay, but I cannot stress enough that I urged Adam Driver to reconsider after reading his first draft, but apparently he had his heart set on it. I regret to say that I expected more from famous actor Adam Driver.
Let's quickly run through the rest, because if I fixate on that it will be the whole review, and at this point surely nothing else in the film can be that bad. Right?
William takes a detour on the way to the genetics lab to drop his father off at a chemotherapy appointment, when the car is accosted by a woman pretending to be in labour (also Driver, don't ask me why). After stabbing William with a knife and being pushed out of the moving taxi, she removes her fake pregnancy bump and hurls it after the vehicle as it drives off. This character shows up in a later scene, but neither she nor William appear to recognise each other, and the scene has no bearing on the rest of the film. I have no idea why it's here.
After convincing the reluctant William Sr. (a racist, misogynist, troll of a man who the film bizarrely tries to portray as endearing) to attend his appointment by emphasizing that William has no time to argue and is bleeding to death, they arrive at the hospital and abandon William Sr., who immediately turns to the camera and exclaims "Thank goodness you were genetically engineered, my son William." Is this an attempt to justify why William is suddenly no longer bleeding by the end of the scene? I'm mystified. Perhaps there is no meaning.
William finally arrives at the genetics lab, meets his new child son (who, just in case you forgot, is also played by the grown adult Adam Driver), and goes to a hotel with him where they bond over pigeons in what might be the single genuinely good scene in the movie if you can get past the uncanny valley of Adam Driver talking to himself acting as a small child. I'd also like to point out that the son is dubbed with the voice of the child actor who we heard at the start of the film. Why, you ask? I don't know. Why even try to explain that which can't be understood? Could it be that I'm wrong about all of this? Does Different But Also Not Different transcend the art of cinema? Is this... kino?
After that screening, mere words have lost all sense of meaning, so I think it's time to wrap this up and finally free myself of Adam Driver's cursed grasp - remember those carefree days when I thought this was a road trip movie? I was so innocent, once.
In a mad rush to make it home in time before Monica's moving van arrives so she can leave William behind for good (yes, I'm still talking about the film, I can't believe it either), William and Jake 2.0 leave the taxi behind in traffic and hurry home on foot. Remember the 'pregnant' woman from earlier? The taxi catches up to them as the traffic clears, and she's inside for some reason. Oh, and it's the same taxi driver even though it's the next day, but honestly that seems like nitpicking at this point. William and the woman don't recognise each other for some reason (could it be that it's a different character and I just couldn't tell?) and they share the taxi on the way home. They're late by the time they arrive to try and stop Monica from leaving, but conveniently her moving van was held up in the same traffic. Also, the pregnant woman disappears mid scene and is never mentioned again. Please don't ask.
Finally (FINALLY) Monica recognises Jake 2.0 as her son when she sees him playing with pigeons in the rain, and as they enter the house as a reunited family, Jake turns to the camera, his eyes glow red, and he explodes a pigeon's head with telekinesis while no one's looking. Yep. Oh, and in the final shot the camera pulls away from the happy family to reveal that the taxi driver was Adam Driver in brownface all along, at which point William Sr. enters frame, passionately kisses him, and with the same red-eyed glare as Jake 2.0, turns the taxi driver into a pigeon. Roll credits.
Final Score: ★☆☆☆☆
Final Review: It would be 0 stars, but it turns out that Adam Driver is a surprisingly good cinematographer, and I'm genuinely impressed that he managed to act all of the parts, direct himself, and operate a camera all at the same time. The racism was weird and bad. Please avoid this film at all costs, or I'll have been through this experience for nothing. I never want to think of famous actor Adam Driver ever again.
Adam Driver was needle-felted by @JiggleLuka.
Disclaimer: This is not about the real famous actor Adam Driver.
Reylo's please don't hurt me, you scare me the same way K-Pop stans do.
It's a solo game, just one player, no GM. I have heard rumours that someone has hacked a gmless group play version somewhere, but it's yet to make its way to me.
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The Fellrockers marks noted actor Adam Driver's first attempt at not only screenwriting, but also directing a feature film. Described by Driver in multiple press interviews as "Marxist Oppenheimer," the slow-burn drama follows two members of the aristocratic Fellrocker family as they drift apart as a result of disagreements over the nature of capitalism.
While at times resembling a poignant ode to the working class, Driver's self-indulgence often causes the film to lose focus of its main message, resulting in an end product that is about as coherent as a Pollock painting. This is most apparent in the overbearing romantic subplot between David Fellrocker (played by Driver) and his love interest, with over a third of the runtime dedicated to the couple's sexual inclinations -- one particularly egregious love scene involves the two engaged in "the taxpayer," a moment which must have seemed genius to Driver when writing the script but is nothing but awkward for the viewing audience.
Another example of the film's disjointed nature comes when, following the death of a major character, David looks into the camera and says "Now that's what I call blood money!" a line that feels plucked straight out of a cheesy 80s action film and has no place in a film as serious as Driver wants us to believe his debut is.
In summary, while The Fellrockers shows capable directing chops from the actor, Adam Driver would do good to attend a few more writing workshops, or at least be more open to criticism when it comes to his screenwriting endeavors.
Final rating: 4/10
Pliz Help (Given the film's Weimar setting, I can only assume Pliz is a misspelling of the German word for mushroom, Pilz) is a bold foray by Adam Driver into the world of screenplay. It is clear that he has truly embraced the genre of the art film, but having only one character does work better if one does not kill them off only a little over halfway through the film's gargantuan five hour runtime. Driver's script starts off strong, with imagery that calls into question what a mushroom cloud may have meant to someone living before the invention of nuclear weaponry and also begins to explore themes of inner spirituality, but proceeds to throw the small, personal narrative world it has created away with the appearance of the mushroom god and her angels, upset at what will soon be done with her image. Ultimately, the ending manages to leave the viewer unsatisfied but with nothing to think about. I give Pliz Help two stars.
That detail with the mushroom cloud is so gd good`
Adam Driver with the recent success of his A Marriage Story has gained enough confidence to write, direct and star in his own film which at best may be called only mildly pretentious. An obvious Oscar bait, his movie attempts to dive into the murky world of genetic ethics and the lengths people would go to win college football. Looking almost 20 years older than an average college athlete, Driver's performance as a star athlete with winning genetic combination is not convincing as he huffs and puffs his way through the screen.
Unblind Side, an obvious spin on Blind Side that it could have passed off as a parody, is about a greedy college coach who is trying to regain his pride after a series of losses 18 years ago. Instead of being a serious critique, the scenes are so nonsensical that it could have passed as a comedy easily but it takes itself too seriously to be anything.
The ending of Driver’s movie is shocking only in that we were never convinced there were any real stakes involved. The revelation that he is a designer baby only provokes a monologue about losing one’s identity. However, he manages to leave his planned life almost immediately and set off on deciding what his destiny is for himself. His suicide is a shocker since he gets to do what he wants (a very rich and successful Digeridoo player. Yes, this movie attempts to convince us that it is a successful venture for anyone) and then decides to jump off his expensive Manhattan high rise because he dreamt about his birth. This movie wants to teach you something about the morality of designer babies but the only lesson learnt here is to not inflate yourself with too much self-importance. Or you will end up making a movie that can only laughed at, not laughed with.
Many auteur film projects could be described as masturbatory by the ungenerous critic, but writer/director/star Adam Driver's latest "Forget It, Adam: It's Hollywood" is one of the few that could best be described as figurative autoerotic asphyxiation.
Hardboiled LA detective Adam Shotgun (Driver) is called out of retirement to investigate the suspicious on-set death of Hollywood actor Adam Driver (also Driver.) His client is the mysterious femme fatale and alleged jilted ex-lover of the victim, Eve Passenger (Driver in a wig.) Shotgun's questioning of witnesses and digging through Ridley Scott's garbage is interrupted perhaps one too many times by traumatic flashbacks of the accidental death of Shotgun's infant son Le Self (Driver, not digitally de-aged at all, wearing a bonnet and diaper.)
What should be a dramatic confrontation with prime murder suspect Ridley Scott (Owen Teale) is somewhat deflated when Shotgun breaks into a non-sequitur series of petty accusations of alleged indignities suffered by the real Adam Driver at the hands of the real Scott on the set of The Last Duel (2021.) A critic who says that a film feels voyeuristic is usually praising it, but it is painfully clear that this film is for one person and one person only, and not in a good way. Not even the bloody and admittedly well-choreographed brawl with a pair of prop swords could let me shake the feeling that by remaining in my seat I was complicit in something deeply unsavory and perhaps borderline illegal. In a subsequent confrontation, when Scott killed and cannibalized Shotgun in a Subway restaurant that was central to one of the aforementioned petty grievances, my feeling of relief that this debacle was nearly over soon turned to dread upon realizing that we were only around the 45-minute mark.
Sure enough, the film rambles on for another 90 minutes, which I only inferred from checking my phone afterward, as the final two acts of the film are an incoherent nightmare that made time seem to lose all meaning. Included in this muddle are a surprisingly derogatory and hard-hitting eulogy for Adam Driver delivered by his mother (Driver in a different wig) and a bizarre but convincing PowerPoint presentation implicating a teenaged Adam Driver as an instrumental accomplice in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme.
I come out of the ordeal (and ordeal it was) with a mix of feelings, none of them to the credit of the film or its maker. I can only hope that Driver receives the caring professional help he needs for his issues with anger management, interpersonal skills, survivor's guilt, and possible lack of a stable sense of self. I certainly do not wish to stigmatize the act of coming forward about any of these, and yet I might dare to gently advise those of you suffering in silence to come forward in a slightly different way.
Ce'st Magnifique! Ah! Beautiful!
The experience of Uptown Cathedral is one of a baffling nature. It is only reasonable that the writer of such a screenplay must have been riddled with fever during the creation of such a work. It was advertised as a supposed delve into the lives of criminals in 17th century Basildon, a story full of drama, heartbreak and tragedy. Yet what was experienced was a three hour trip through a plotline that seemed to change with the weather. Take for instance during the first act, usually this would be time to introduce the characters and the setting, allowing the audience to settle into the movie. What Driver chose to do was sit every character in complete silence for forty minutes. One of the characters is even killed off during this part and we never even learnt his name.
Other scenes seemed like they were in a completely different setting. One young boy, an orphan raised on the streets of Basildon, burst into song. It did not even make sense within the context of the scene. He was caught stealing a dog in the second act (a plot line which never returned after this incident) and as he was running down the street he began singing. After this, there is no music for the rest of the movie, a choice which only led to a deeply unsettling atmosphere in the audience as to compensate sound effects were more readily used.
Perhaps this is a lesson from Mr. Driver, However. That the lives of everyday people, the lives of innocent men, are much more complex than what we see on the surface. Perhaps by revealing this deeper side of the story of criminal life in 17th century Basildon, Driver has also revealed a part of himself.
Stars Blasto from The Shift Review
⅗ stars
Set in the imaginatively futuristic world of SPACE, Love Bandits attempts to be another saphic film written by someone who has had little interaction with actual lesbians. Most of the effort of the film appears to be put into the admittedly excellently crafted blend of miniatures and CGI.
When our protagonist Speef encounters her ex-girlfriend Skroob, they dedicate a significant amount of their lives to fighting against one of the many corporations that are killing so many planets in the currently fictional Saphrios galaxy. Their relationship, up until the ending scene, is stunning to see that characters this gay can be seen in hollywood, and would be a breath of fresh air, were it not for that ending scene.
The imaginative worlds do little, however, from distracting from the bisare character design choices. The two notable examples are the wizard character and the main antagonist. Merlin appears to be dressed like a wizard from a low-budget classical fantasy world rather than a character who looks like they belong in the world, and whose characterisation appears to be split between “i am an example of transgender representation in a world that doesn’t care about what gender you are” and “i am a wizard man who is written so that the writer, Adam Driver, can act in the film in a way that is comfortable for me, Adam Driver, to play”. The antagonist, equally, doesn’t seem like they belong in a mostly human/robot society, considering they are a CGI weasel.
The chase scene set in the Highway of the main planet appears to be inspired by the works of Michael Bay, what with the exploding mopeds left and right, which is almost bizarrely the scene where Speef professes her love for Skroob. If it were in another film, it would be basically a perfect confession scene, but set in an action scene with very little downtime, it feels like it could have been put somewhere else.
But the biggest scene is the ending, which is without a doubt the worst scene I’ve seen with regards to LGBTQ representation. The actions that took place seem written less out of a desire to end this way and more like it was written to spite people that had suggested changes.
It’s got a little something for everyone, though, and if one ignores the story, it’s an enjoyable hour and a half. I rate this 7 out of 10.
[OOC: played this with some friends. We created a number of different reviews for 3 different films that somehow became a trilogy ala the Cornetto Trilogy. This game is so fun. Thank you]
It is safe to assume that the basic writing advice, “write what you know”, can be somewhat limiting—after all, if we were to do so, then how could Tolkien have written about Orcs and Elves, Agatha Christie written about a Belgian detective, or Stephen King written about someone other than a tortured horror author? But there are, in fact, scenarios where you really ought not write something you are unfamiliar with at all. Adam Driver’s 14th screenplay written during the COVID lockdown, “Murder in the Underground”, is one such scenario.
A sapphic eco-terrorist group has taken on the cause of attacking a Japanese whaling vessel and they are prepared to leave at dawn to intercept the boat, when the murder of their fearless leader brings the would-be sailors’ plans to a grinding halt. Tensions rise as the lack of an intruder in their underground bunker points the finger at someone inside the building as the killer. Sadly, however, this is all the further Mr. Driver seems to have actually planned. The original murder is quickly forgotten in favor of scenes of women just being catty to each other, and the overt exclusion of any male figures in the film itself seems to be less a desire to tell stories from a woman's point of view as it is a cynical effort to pass the Bechdel Test.
One place that a man’s presence is certainly felt, however, is in the writer/director’s chair. The speed at which this diverse group of women breaks down into petty catfighting and cliques betrays the writing of an outsider to leftist activism, intersectional feminism and women’s lives in general, but who feels compelled to say something on those topics anyway...with that 'something' ultimately adding up to not a whole lot. The sloppy attempt at executing a plot twist to tie events up feels more like Mr. Driver realized there were only five minutes left on the film reel, and he was certainly unwilling to sacrifice any of the grindhouse-like ancillary murder that was executed halfway through the film, seemingly just to remind us what the original problem was supposed to be in the first place.
I cannot recommend “Murder in the Underground” to anyone who does not suffer from COVID brainfog because they will unfortunately be able to remember what happened three scenes ago, and will spend the next two scenes asking ‘But what about the murder? You know, the one in the title?’
This is a *fantastic* review. Almost all of these make me wish the movies in question were real but this is one of the few that makes me believe it might be. Thanks!
Adam Driver, the Hollywood actor, pulls off what many considered to be the impossible. No one else has the guts to go in such a bold direction. When the world asked "Who will make a musical about the absence of God?" The actor, Adam Driver stood up and said "I will." Given the pleasure of reading an early version of the script, I could see the potential right from the initial pitch. I'm also proud to see he took my advice in the casting of Nic Cage as Queen Elizabeth. A role I felt Nic had the capability to pull off, and just needed a slight nudge in the right direction and such a chance to truly spread his wings. Adam Driver also seemed to take off running with my idea to show her majesty's full bush. Which from what I understand, took extensive time to apply on Mr.Cage. Although the film shines in many ways there were, however, a few poor choices that seem to have fallen through the cracks. Such as the decision to keep the gay sex scene that features two priests in clown makeup as the Notre Dame burns down around them. Although a true spectacle filmed with cinematography that would make even the great Storaro weep, it may have been lacking in taste; Which I warned Adam of from the first draft. Don't let any of that deter you though! I won't give any spoilers but the climax more than makes up for any of the previously mentioned issues. With a touching story, terrific soundtrack, award worthy performances, and delightful direction (from Hollywood actor, Adam Driver) I highly recommend you go see 'Flight of The Monarch Butterfly' with the whole family.
this is the first one of these where the player was the agent of chaos actively trying to destroy Adam's asperations of screenwriter fame
Adam Driver's most recent film, despite being pitched as a meditation on Marxism through extremely violent martial arts, has no conceivable plot.
If you want to watch this movie, you only need to watch the first 25 minutes. The pertinent information is front-loaded and crammed into a few short scenes. We meet 100 farmers growing wheat for the Baron. The Baron quickly demands more wheat, begins to fight the workers with ninja stars, brings down mecca-space-ninjas, and sets his satellite lasers to destroy the farmers, who then begin in-fighting. Driver cites the "100-person rule," a sociological finding that states there are no hundred people who can agree on any one thing, for this shift.
The film's latter hour is a gruesome display of the farmers (real-life trained martial artists) being slaughtered by a giant horse. The fact that a mutated, pustule-covered horse is the most recognizable character is telling of the impact this film will have.
This experience has left me with only questions: Why are the characters indigenous but played entirely by a white cast? Why did real actors have to be killed during filming? How did they mutate a horse so precisely? Who allowed this, and why?
I will say, despite obvious flaws, Driver has made some bold artistic choices. Probably not morally correct choices, but choices nonetheless.
Good lord, Adam
You Are Quarantined With Adam Driver And He Is Insisting On Reading You His New Script is a short, extremely well-written, comedy concept rpg.
It's 7 pages, with a clean, readable layout that leans in on the film script angle and feels like a document from the game's setting.
That setting, by the way, is your apartment. Where you are quarantined with Adam Driver, and he is insisting on reading you his new script.
To play, you randomize a hypothetical film script's topics, then try to loosely play it out. Whenever your acting or storytelling feels forced, you roll a d20 and risk the stability of your quarantine with Adam Driver.
After you've finished, you have a final phase of the game where you write a short review of the movie Adam Driver has ultimately created.
Spelled out like that, You Are Quarantined might sound a little flat, but that's because I am severely underselling how good the writing is. It is extremely worth the price of admission.
The game is also somewhat mutable, and if you don't have any particular connection to actor Adam Driver, you can swap in most other actors instead without changing the nature of the game.
Overall, if you are looking for a short game with a clever concept that'll give you a memorable experience, you should get this.
It was not long ago that I first read the script for this film. In that introductory moment, I was shocked. Beloved actor Adam Driver was pouring his heart and soul out on my couch about this silent movie he wanted to make. I could do nothing but think about how strangely promising the idea was, flawed as it may seem. After all, how could one convey spirituality in a pre-nuclear world without words?
I'm happy to say that the final version of this film left me as speechless as its characters. I was moved by not just the gorgeous soundtrack, but by the excellent direction. I was skeptical of Driver's choice to direct and star in the film after having written it himself, but truly there was no way that anyone other than Adam could have brought his vision to life in such glorious detail.
The pre-nuclearity of the film was perhaps its most poignant aspect, and, when coupled with the autobiographical spin on the second world war, Driver really drove (no pun intended) his point home. Perhaps, through just a bit of spirituality, the Cold War and all of its ills could have been avoided. The Adam Bomb was truly astonishing, and I recommend that everyone take the four hours out of their weekend to watch this masterpiece.
Utterly lost it at the reveal in the last paragraph, well done
If the Shoe Fits, Driver Wears It
Eden. Is Adam Driver’s latest ‘magnum opus’ and I had the pleasure of joining him in his creative process. He pitched it to me as an art piece about the absence of God and he himself thought of a more Avant Garde way of delivering this.
Even though there isn’t supposed to be a protagonist, we are introduced to (Not) Adam Driver who is a common citizen living in the bright and colourful city named Eden and opens with the denizens of said city going about their day. There is an odd shoehorning of the director’s ‘personal interests’ that becomes more and more evident as the film goes on. Eden has a strange curfew in which the people are told to take off their footwear by a loud alarm; it should be said now that the film has no dialogue and is filled to the brim with metaphors. The absence of footwear is to symbolise the strength of being able to stand on your own two feet. The film then follows a series of twists and turns that eventually leads to the introduction of an unnamed female character who is only revealed to be named Eve during the credits, an artistic choice of Adam Driver. This woman is an actress who is eventually introduced to (Not) Adam Driver and the two eventually become well acquainted. I will leave the details of the rest of the film out of this critique as Adam has stated that it’s important for the audience to make their own interpretation of the film.
Now, how much did I enjoy this piece? With a big glass of the strong stuff, the film is extremely pretentious and could do with some more clarity. Personally, I don’t go to films to train my brain about the intricacies of every little thing. The film having no dialogue definitely didn’t help either and the purpose of its delivery quickly falls apart once an obvious protagonist is introduced. Would I watch this again? I feel like I have no choice, one pass over isn’t enough to understand Adam’s thought process, but I do so with reluctance.
This is it, folks. This is the pinnacle of human achievement. Read our review here: https://podofblunders.com/2021/02/19/you-are-quarantined-with-adam-driver-and-he...
Had a dream last night where I was recommending tabletop rpgs to Adam Driver and somehow didn't mention this one. To make up for this injustice, I've given this very good game a 5-star rating.
In your defense there is no way on gods green earth that I would mention this to adam driver lmfao
I liked this game a lot but it really kicked into high gear when I replaced the name "Adam Driver" with "Neil Breen"
You've unlocked a powerful bonus mode with this one
Adam Driver’s Podium, a genetic ethics road movie
This film has an wonderful premise and lightness of tone that reminds one of Little Miss Sunshine. Harrison Ford plays an aging Olympian whose medal was melted down for the war effort. After his daughter, played by Brie Larson, wins a silver in shooting, he decides to get his medal recast. Adam Driver plays a bit of a layabout schlub to make it clear the Olympic drive skipped a generation. We have some incredible performances from everyone involved. Harrison Ford’s usual standoffishness was rather charming and refreshed what at times was a poorly paced film. Brie Larsen is believable as an Olympian, but not perhaps as Adam Driver’s daughter as presented. It’s clear the director is building a triumvirate with Driver as the odd man out, but it’s a movie that tells and doesn’t show. When we get scenes packed with interesting ephemera of the lives of the family, it’s a breath of fresh air that reinvigorates what at times drags. Scene to scene we are put into more and more incredible positions, but the framework to hold it is rather bare. The time we focus on Driver’s character feels misspent, it’s clear that Larsen and Ford are the interesting characters. They have a relationship with the camera that Driver somehow fails to establish himself. Perhaps it’s a result of being a triple threat. Driver wrote, directed, and stars. Perhaps he should have sent the script to a trustworthy editor and given it the additional time it needs with a fresh pair of eyes. With the script out of his hands and out of his head, I imagine that Driver’s natural charisma and incredible technique could have shown through more clearly. It’s a film that shoots for the gold, but barely makes bronze. And I don’t see it making it to the next Olympics.
Review: Driven, starring Adam Driver
A Clever Concept Driven Too Far
Driven is an interesting concept movie, at least on paper. Adam Driver stars as himself, and the story clearly intends to be an unflinching look at how the film industry grinds up its brightest stars. What could be a somber autobiopic, however, is given a "This is the End" treatment when an obsessive fan, Olivia--clearly a gender-swapped John Oliver--replaces Driver's chauffeur, kidnaps him, and leads half of Hollywood on a wild car chase through the streets.
The film is, mostly, a resounding "okay." Alas, Driver's attempts to write a cracking action film with snappy dialogue veers too often into broad, unfunny punchlines: a director who utterly delights in his predicament and scrambles to replace him with Ben Affleck; a running gag involving a rogue craft services bus; and a bizarre mob plot that forces the now-heroic Driver to team up with his erstwhile kidnapper to save the day. All of this culminates in a literal and figurative 50-car pileup of plots that left me more confused than satisfied.
Driver would have been better off picking a lane: angsty biopic or action joyride. Instead he tries to have it both ways, and drives a carload of potential straight off a cliff.
2/5 Stars
This movie could well be a cult classic, but will be unlikely to achieve mainstream success. The opening scenes where the blue collar and white collar criminals team up to rob a bank are slow and confused, and characters are not adequately developed, nor is a clear theme established. However, the action really picks up when the first gunfight occurs. The fighting is very well choreographed, and we have a real thriller on our hands at this point. The proceeding twist for the criminal characters to relocate to Iceland is rather novel, but the pace once again slows down as they adapt to Icelandic life, and the commentary about Iceland’s “strangeness” may not resonate with international viewers. Once we are introduced to the mid-movie antagonists, we start to see the movie really become the gem that it is. Characters really come into their own, and we have a series of events that really get you invested. The costuming in these scenes are also astounding, and will be the inspiration of cosplayers for years to come. The impact of the mid-movie conflict is somewhat cheapened by the deaths of several minor characters and the swiftness with which these antagonists are defeated, but the action is once again good and pleasing to watch. When the government-cyborg robocop comes in, many viewers are left shaking their heads in confusion, and the plot loses itself in a haze of (admittedly beautiful) gunfire. This does lead to some very quotable moments though, and oddly enough sets the movie up for a satisfying conclusion that actually does arrive at the point it was trying to make, if in a roundabout way.
6/10 Guilty pleasure.
CERES (202X) REVIEW (SPOILERS)
DISCLAIMER: During the COVID-19 pandemic, I found myself quarantined with the director of this film, Adam Driver, for several weeks. However, I think you will find that this is little conflict of interest, given my opinions. It will be impossible to talk about some of the aspects of this film I found particularly troublesome without delving into spoilers, so the short of it is this: Terrible film that you should skip for the sake of your short time on Earth and your sanity.
...
Ceres, former actor Adam Driver's debut into writing and directing, is a confusing, drawn-out, boring mess of a film that clearly has something it wants to say but an absolutely horrific way of saying it. I am convinced that the script of this film would not have left the slush pile if not for the name of Adam Driver. It is filled with the hallmarks of amateur writing--an utterly unlikable protagonist, themes with the subtlety of an atom bomb and the clarity of jello, and an hour-long dream sequence.
And past all that is the elephant in the room--an absolute abandonment of any attempt at historical accuracy whatsoever. Now, I am not generally a big stickler for getting every detail right (particularly since this film does have fantasy elements--more on that later), but I do at least generally expect an attempt to be made to get the time period right. But the setting of a settlement on the edge of the Roman Empire (attacked and taken over by vague "barbarians" about twenty minutes into the film--something quite troubling to see in a film that has released in 202X, even in the context of the Roman perspective) is completely unbelievable. It is clearly trying to shove in a metaphor for the modern charity industry and its contrast to proper welfare, but it just doesn't fit in the ancient setting. It's such a poor fit that it has to come down to essentially portraying the Roman Empire as a Marxist state--a bizarre choice which I can't even begin to unpack. It's clear no research was done at all.
Of course, I can't discuss this film without addressing the full hour-long dream sequence in which our protagonist, Julius(played by Adam Driver), is forced to reckon with the titular Ceres (Daisy Ridley), Roman goddess of agriculture, who spends the time haunting him and lecturing him about the moral importance of helping the poor. Not that he doesn't deserve the lecture--despite being a soldier who is tasked with giving Roman citizens the crops they need to survive, Julius has all the care for the "weak and undeserving" (quote) of a French royal just before the Revolution. It's clear a redemption arc was attempted, but he legitimately neither does nor says anything remotely redeeming the entire first two hours of the film before he is visited by the goddess. I thought perhaps their previous work on the Star Wars films would provide even a hint of chemistry between Driver and Ridley, but this was quickly dashed by the hour-long lecture and the clear look of distress on Ridley's face the entire time, as if she didn't want to be there.
This is followed by Julius praying for salvation, fully Christian style in a blatant misrepresentation of Hellenistic beliefs, and being answered by Jupiter (Sean Bean), who strikes down all the barbarians with lighting. This is meant to be his redemption--enough of a redemption that he deserves to then become the settlement's new ruler. That's actually how the film ends. It's an absolutely surreal mess and a waste of three hours, as well as perhaps being the most boring piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. I urge you to skip this.
...
FINAL SCORE: 2/10--AWFUL
+Surprisingly good cinematography
-Literally everything else makes me want to be struck down by Jupiter
this is absolutely incredible. Oh my god
a masterpiece i come back to regularly
If my editor would allow it, “Straight Shooter” would be the first film I give a 6 star rating, it seems 5 stars must suffice. Prior entanglements with Adam aside, he has created a transgressive piece of neo-NEO-noir that makes me once more, believe in a guiding light in our universe. Ladies and Gentleman, that guiding light is the expertly realized character of Gail McEnroe.
Gail McEnroe (Imelda Staunton) is the titular “straight shooter” a one time suffragette turned private investigator who has given up on her faith; masterfully hinted at by the deft script as a result of the encroaching sexism of her trade. She is a revelation, a character whom is at once as cynical, downtrodden, and pent-up as we all are right now.* This is changed when Pauline Kadaeskeu (Florence Pugh) comes with the case of a lifetime, to find out how her father (Adam Driver) has returned from the Great War after being killed in action.
Do not get me wrong, I myself read this description and into my mind flitted tired thrillers, and psychological horrors of yesteryear, most often coming up short of their low expectations. This film proves the rule. By the end of the film you will believe in the impossible, you will hold those quarantined* alongside you close, and together will become whole. A transformative piece of work like this only comes once in not just a generation, but once in an epoch. See this film, because to watch “Straight Shooter” is to glimpse the face of god himself.
*editors note: Publication was written during the Quarantine epidemic of 2020.
You had me sold at Imelda Staunton as a gritty suffragette private eye holy heck
Adam Driver's unofficial addition to the Aliens franchise starts off with an aggressively sexual expository scene and a gratuitous death that fails to set up the appropriate expectations for the audience. He retreads familiar Aliens story lines with small twists that are ultimately forgettable. The characters are generic and lack any personality. There are no emotional stakes. It feels passionless and paint by the numbers. It beats the audience over the head with the corruption of corporations and doesn't seem to have a clear feeling about the morality of the blue collar protagonists. It is ultimately boring with a twist at the end seeming to try to shoehorn in diversity at the very end. A muddled, mess that rests on the films that came before it and flashy effects. During the screening, Mr. Driver attempted to direct the audience into giving the reactions he deemed appropriate.
I love that this is an "unofficial addition"
I struggled to help Adam to see that Legend of the Driven, an extremely violent martial arts film may not have been the best way for him to showcase his true feelings regarding the devastating effects of the film industry on Adam Driver. Nevertheless, we reached a compromise: the violence was one of the soul and the martial arts where those of Adam Driver's struggle against an unforgiving industry. The results were...
Well, it was certainly a movie. I know he was hoping for an Independent Spirit Award, but at least he'll get MTV's Best Kiss. The scene where a film executive punched out his heart and Adam kissed it while sobbing will go down in cinematic history.
I can't say I'll miss having Adam as my roommate, but I'll cherish the brief time we had together.
Sundance 202X Day 3: The Ballad of Bööls Jorgaan
…this reviewer did not have high hopes for Adam Driver's big-screen biopic of the 19th century Dutch missionary, Bööls Jorgaan. There's no doubting Drivers' passion for his historical subject; after all, he shocked the nation by revealing that he'd gone back to school with his Star Wars money to pursue a graduate degree in the study of this man's life.
However, such passion did not extend to the quality of the screenplay first-time screenwriter Driver has provided. The film is, yes, intensely beautiful. Shot on location in Indonesia, the cinematography, production design, and costume design is top-notch. But the characters that live within this world are as wooden as a pair of kloppen.
Despite writer/director/star Adam Driver's charisma and unconventional good looks, Bööls Jorgaan himself is a difficult character to empathize with or even care about. In the year of our Lord 202X, one expects the story of a white missionary visiting Indonesia to be nuanced. Despite the lavish amount of historical research (especially into the lives of the indigenous characters) and willingness to embrace history in all its filthiness, the story at the heart of this film remains hopelessly dated and, by modern standards, uninteresting.
The supporting cast is excellent, but the secondary male lead, whose incandescent chemistry with Driver threatens to make the film interesting, is disposed of as soon as a love triangle is introduced, seemingly to try and make Bööls Jorgaan seem cool and hot. It is a failed attempt.
While I hope to see more from the wickedly talented Driver, I would recommend that my audience give The Ballad of Bööls Jorgaan a pass.
Bööls Jorgaan
★☆☆☆☆ Different But Also Not Different - a road trip movie about genetic ethics and pigeons
Josh Blincow, Film Critic
@Goblincow 3/10/21 09:00
18 months ago I had the dis/pleasure of reading the earliest draft of Different But Also Not Different, Adam Driver's directorial debut, but nothing could have prepared me to see it brought to life on the big screen.
In one of the most agonising viewing experiences of my humble existence, I forced myself to watch as grieving father William Miller (Driver) traveled by taxi across a surrealist California to collect his freshly genetically reborn son Jake (also Driver) in the hopes of repairing his failing marriage to Monica (also Driver).
It's time to address the Adam Driver-sized elephant in the room: from its inception, Driver insisted on portraying every character in the film - except for William's curmudgeonly father William Sr., inexplicably played by Star Wars' Ian McDiarmid.
To say it makes for a surreal experience would be an understatement, and while successful reviews typically tend to avoid plot synopses, there's really no other way to talk about Driver's unique debut. I've included a spoiler warning for ardent fans of Driver's work, but I implore you to avoid this film like the plague that inspired Driver to write this film, should it ever curse paying audiences with wide release.
Different But Also Not Different quickly establishes its confused themes with a voice over flashback to William's son playing with his favourite animal, the humble pigeon, as a workaholic William reflects that he never took the time to appreciate that each one is unique, despite their similar ratty appearances. Pigeons as metaphor are a recurring motif throughout, and while it might seem odd, it's easily the least absurd part of the film.
Less than five minutes in, we are introduced to the film's most persistent and horrifying bad decision: William's taxi driver (again, also Driver), whose face is concealed until what I assume is supposed to be a twist reveal at the end of the film, though it's clear who's playing him and exactly what he'll look like when he turns around from silhouette alone. And in a sane world, that would be true. But no. For some reason, the taxi driver is Adam Driver in brownface, doing what I can only assume is supposed to be some sort of an accent that honestly hurts to listen to. I don't know where to begin. I am in no way equipped to discuss the many, many levels on which this is not okay, but I cannot stress enough that I urged Adam Driver to reconsider after reading his first draft, but apparently he had his heart set on it. I regret to say that I expected more from famous actor Adam Driver.
Let's quickly run through the rest, because if I fixate on that it will be the whole review, and at this point surely nothing else in the film can be that bad. Right?
William takes a detour on the way to the genetics lab to drop his father off at a chemotherapy appointment, when the car is accosted by a woman pretending to be in labour (also Driver, don't ask me why). After stabbing William with a knife and being pushed out of the moving taxi, she removes her fake pregnancy bump and hurls it after the vehicle as it drives off. This character shows up in a later scene, but neither she nor William appear to recognise each other, and the scene has no bearing on the rest of the film. I have no idea why it's here.
After convincing the reluctant William Sr. (a racist, misogynist, troll of a man who the film bizarrely tries to portray as endearing) to attend his appointment by emphasizing that William has no time to argue and is bleeding to death, they arrive at the hospital and abandon William Sr., who immediately turns to the camera and exclaims "Thank goodness you were genetically engineered, my son William." Is this an attempt to justify why William is suddenly no longer bleeding by the end of the scene? I'm mystified. Perhaps there is no meaning.
William finally arrives at the genetics lab, meets his new child son (who, just in case you forgot, is also played by the grown adult Adam Driver), and goes to a hotel with him where they bond over pigeons in what might be the single genuinely good scene in the movie if you can get past the uncanny valley of Adam Driver talking to himself acting as a small child. I'd also like to point out that the son is dubbed with the voice of the child actor who we heard at the start of the film. Why, you ask? I don't know. Why even try to explain that which can't be understood? Could it be that I'm wrong about all of this? Does Different But Also Not Different transcend the art of cinema? Is this... kino?
After that screening, mere words have lost all sense of meaning, so I think it's time to wrap this up and finally free myself of Adam Driver's cursed grasp - remember those carefree days when I thought this was a road trip movie? I was so innocent, once.
In a mad rush to make it home in time before Monica's moving van arrives so she can leave William behind for good (yes, I'm still talking about the film, I can't believe it either), William and Jake 2.0 leave the taxi behind in traffic and hurry home on foot. Remember the 'pregnant' woman from earlier? The taxi catches up to them as the traffic clears, and she's inside for some reason. Oh, and it's the same taxi driver even though it's the next day, but honestly that seems like nitpicking at this point. William and the woman don't recognise each other for some reason (could it be that it's a different character and I just couldn't tell?) and they share the taxi on the way home. They're late by the time they arrive to try and stop Monica from leaving, but conveniently her moving van was held up in the same traffic. Also, the pregnant woman disappears mid scene and is never mentioned again. Please don't ask.
Finally (FINALLY) Monica recognises Jake 2.0 as her son when she sees him playing with pigeons in the rain, and as they enter the house as a reunited family, Jake turns to the camera, his eyes glow red, and he explodes a pigeon's head with telekinesis while no one's looking. Yep. Oh, and in the final shot the camera pulls away from the happy family to reveal that the taxi driver was Adam Driver in brownface all along, at which point William Sr. enters frame, passionately kisses him, and with the same red-eyed glare as Jake 2.0, turns the taxi driver into a pigeon. Roll credits.
Final Score: ★☆☆☆☆
Final Review: It would be 0 stars, but it turns out that Adam Driver is a surprisingly good cinematographer, and I'm genuinely impressed that he managed to act all of the parts, direct himself, and operate a camera all at the same time. The racism was weird and bad. Please avoid this film at all costs, or I'll have been through this experience for nothing. I never want to think of famous actor Adam Driver ever again.
Oh my god
I'm crying
This is hands-down the best review here, just about died laughing.
Take my money.
how many players is this for? i assume 1 gm and 1 player
It's a solo game, just one player, no GM. I have heard rumours that someone has hacked a gmless group play version somewhere, but it's yet to make its way to me.
how do i put in a negative price. i deserve compensation for having to see this with mine own eye
Please submit all compensation requests to Adam Driver, The Actor, or his agent. Thank you